Yesterday, my aunt and uncle took Oma out for lunch. Of course, my mom and I both thought that they just wanted to get her alone to talk about money instead of actually just wanting to spend time with her. Oma was going to tell them that I was looking after her fiances and they don't need to worry about it, but I think they got her all confused again. When my aunt came to drop her off, mom, Julie, and I were in the pool and she came out there to talk to us. The conversation started pleasant, until my aunt brought up the bills. I said I have them and I am looking after it. She was not happy and I got the impression that she thought I was being sneaky by keeping the bills at my house. I bought a file box last week and made labels with my label maker for each of her expenses so I can keep everything organized. I have no idea why she is upset with that, when she was looking after things, she took the bills to her house! The bottom line is, they won't accept that I am now looking after it. She said that Oma told them that she didn't want me looking after her finances, and when I asked Oma about that later, she said there is no way she would have said that, and that she does indeed want me to look after it. So, I think they just got her so confused that she didn't even know what she was saying.
So, my aunt started screaming at my mom. Good thing we were in the pool, so she couldn't get in our faces to yell at close range. She certainly tried to get as close as she could to my mom by coming right to the edge of the pool and croching down to yell at my mom as close as she could. My aunt said that my uncle is mad that "the kids" are taking advantage of Oma. My mom said "what kids?" My aunt meant my mom, my brothers, and me. WHAT?!?! They think we are taking advantage of Oma? Oma keeps saying "what would I do without you?" We are the ones who look after her 99% of the time! My mom looks after her full time! We spend every day with her and my mom takes care of her meds, invites her over for almost all her meals, drives her to do errands, does her laundry, cleans her house, etc, etc, etc! I can't believe they think we are taking advantage of Oma! Well, my aunt stormed off all mad. I'm not sure what they will try now... My guess is they will try to take legal action against us. They are going to be LIVID when they find out they no longer have Power of Attorney! What a mess!
The problem is my uncle is a bully. When my mom told my aunt that she didn't want to meet with my uncle because he's a bully, her response was "Well the same could be said about you!" You all know my mom and she is ANYTHING but a bully!!! The first time in her entire life she is standing up to him to protect Oma and she gets called a bully. Since my uncle is such a bully, he gets Oma all rattled and confused so then she'll say anything to keep the peace. I think perhaps she needs to write him a letter explaining that she does indeed want me to look after her finances and that he needs to respect that and stay out of it. But that he is welcome to visit her for fun. He won't accept that, he says he has a legal responsibility to manage her assets. HUH? Even if he was still co-PoA, that only takes effect when she is no longer capable of making decisions. Which he thinks is now, but she is perfectly capable of still making decisions!
It is so sad. All he cares about is money. He is so worried that Oma is spending all her money and there won't be anything left for his inheritance. Our attitude is that Oma has worked hard her whole life, if she wants to spend her money, she can!
And if this wasn't enough drama for yesterday, Carlos found out that his (former) friends' wedding was on the weekend. I have never seen him so upset. He is so hurt that he was excluded and doesn't even know why. His friends are complete jerks and he doesn't deserve this; he is the nicest guy in the world!!!
6 comments:
Ok. Carlos' former friends are clearly assholes. Poor guy.
Your uncle and aunt can say whatever they want with regards to you and your brothers. You know the truth. Don't let them bring you down. You are doing a wonderful thing for your Oma. She knows it, and so does everyone else who counts.
Sounds like you aunt and uncle don't want to give you guys any control over your Oma's money, which raises big red flags to me. Unfortunately, this stuff seems to be a common problem for families.
(((hugs))) and strength to you and your family.
It's getting worse by the minute... my uncle sent my mom a nasty email last night threatening a law suit on the basis of elder abuse.
I am headed over to my mom's to run damage control again... this is crazy!
SERIOUSLY?
Your uncle is a piece of work.
Elder abuse? That would be laughable if it wasn't so stressful for you guys. Honestly, it sounds like he's out of his mind.
your uncle is sounds like a class A Asshole. Give a hug to your mum for me :)
Oh my goodness... I feel so bad for you, your Mom and Oma... I cannot believe what your aunt and uncle are putting you all through. I really wish there was something I could do to help, but all I can do is... *hugs, hugs, hugs galore*
That really sucks about Carlos' former friends... ack!
I spent the afternoon with my mom and Oma and I read the email. It is not really elder abuse that he is threatening, but more that mom, me, and my brothers are taking advantage of Oma financially. Which couldn't be further from the truth. He said he will have to take legal action if we don't give them Oma's credit card receipts. Which Oma doesn't want them to have, she says it is none of their business!
So, Oma called her lawyer and said she needs to protect her daughter from her son, and my mom explained to him what has happened, so the lawyer was going to call my uncle to tell him he has no legal right to control Oma's finances. So, he will finally find out he is no longer Power of Attorney and that Oma has a capacity assessment (which arrived today, good timing!) saying that she is absolutely capable of making decisions related to her estate.
I think Oma is going to write my uncle a letter tomorrow telling him that until he respects her wishes (that I look after the finances) and apologizes to my mom, he is not welcome on the property.
I couldn't believe all the nasty things he said in the email. Called my mom a liar, bully, said she is breaking the law, taking financial advantage of Oma, etc... I have never seen Oma so upset - she is ready to kill him!!
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