A new year, new beginning

Well the situation at work got much worse since my last post. December was an awful month at work with many tears and me wanting to storm out and quit. I felt like I was being blamed for things that weren't my fault and I basically felt completely incompetent, which is not a feeling I am used to!

I decided to talk to one of my coworkers about this in mid-December. He is one of the 4 senior managers, so he has lots of 'pull' in the company and he and I have been friends since I started 8 years ago. So, he is probably the coworker I am most close to. So, I asked him if we could go for lunch and talk. I was completely honest with him about how I was feeling and that I didn't think I was being treated fairly. I also told him I was concerned about being fired over this and he told me that won't happen. So, I was relieved to hear that - I was feeling like I better find another job quickly before they fired me, but knowing that they weren't going to fire me took the pressure off to find something else quickly.

He was very understanding about the whole situation and was completely on my side. He suggested I also talk to the head of HR about my concerns, which I did the following week. She was also very supportive and suggested I meet with the president of the company and another senior PM involved so I could have a chance to voice my concerns because up until that point, I felt like I wasn't being heard. I agreed to the meeting and asked that the head of HR also be present.

So, that meeting happened the Tuesday before the Christmas break. What an awful experience. This was a meeting I called - it started out well, I had notes about what I wanted to say, so I was able to get through all that. Although, I still don't think they really got it. Then the meeting basically turned into a discussion of my weaknesses and resulted in me being demoted - again. I am now in the same position I was 8 months ago before my big promotion last May. I left that meeting feeling completely deflated and like a piece of garbage. I think they need to learn how to manage people better because you don't just beat someone down and then end the meeting. I am willing to accept criticism, but they should have ended the meeting on a high note. Instead, I left feeling completely useless and went to the bathroom and cried.

Over the Christmas break, I decided to just put that all behind me and start fresh in January. I made myself a deadline of the end of January to see if things can turn around a little bit or not. If I am still miserable at the end of the month, I will seriously consider other employment options. As of the end of December, they have hired a mentor for me on a casual, as-needed basis and he is the in town guru in this subject area (and I worked with him for 3 co-op terms and he and his family also go to our church, so I do already know him). So, I am feeling hopeful that things can turn around. If not, I can leave with no regrets or guilt because I don't owe them anything.

I know I can't go on like things were in December - I was crying all the time and completely miserable to the point I dreaded going into work.

Onto happy things - we had a great Christmas. Julie was so excited and everyone spoiled her. I was spoiled too - Carlos bought me a blackberry playbook and then I bought myself a Kobo on Boxing Day since it was an awesome deal. I love both my new gadgets ;)

I can't believe how much Julie is growing up. She will be 3 in less than a month! She amazes me with her vocabulary every day! As much as I hate my job these days, I keep trying to focus on the fact that my most important jobs are being a wife and mother, so Carlos' and Julie's opinion of me is WAY more important than my boss. It's just a job - Carlos and Julie are my life.