This whole situation between my uncle and mom/Oma has completely blown up. Yesterday, my uncle sent my mom a nasty email basically saying the renting of the cottage is a done deal and forbidding her from changing it. He said he is taking control of the cottage. He said a bunch of hurtful things. For the last week, my aunt and uncle have been trying to get a hold of my mom because they want to get together and chat. Well, mom was able to put them off for awhile because of the wedding, but they got sick of waiting and sent the nasty email instead. They said it's a done deal and they are drawing the line in the sand. So, by saying they want to chat about this, they mean they want to convince my mom that they are right. They are not interested in compromising at all.
Oma is really hurt that my uncle is taking control of the cottage because SHE IS STILL ALIVE and he has no right to do that. So, Oma called the potential renters... there was no answer, but she left a message saying that we are offering them 1 week, as discussed over a week ago. That was our compromise.
Then, Oma called my uncle and told him that we have offered them a week and that's all we can do because she wants to go up there. His response was that they can have all 3 weeks and she can come to his cottage if she wants... okay, what about the other 9 of us? He doesn't care. My uncle got Oma all confused and she told him she is very upset about this and that she doesn't want to rent the cottage since she wants to go there. But, he doesn't care. He cares more about the renters than he does his own mother and sister.
So, my mom called my uncle. Well, she started off talking to my aunt my mom told her that she had given up an $8,000 teaching contract for July so that she could take Oma to the cottage because she really wanted to be there. My aunt said too bad; it was too late to change the renters' vacation plans. What we would like to know is why on earth they would only tell us about this after it was too late to change it?!? My mom called the renters within 24 hours of realizing there was a problem and they were disappointed, but very understanding. Then my uncle called them the next day and told them not to listen to my mom or Oma, that they could have it for the full 3 weeks... that was 10 days ago now. It makes me so upset that they arranged this all in MARCH and didn't tell my mom until the end of May. Sure, they may have told Oma, but she forgets 5 minutes later. They needed to tell my mom, who is Oma's caregiver and has the cottage calendar. What a mess. One of the things my aunt said is if we don't give in, this will affect the relationship between our families. It already has! We only see them 2 or 3 times a year anyways, no big loss.
After talking to my aunt for a couple minutes, my uncle came on the phone with both barrels blazing and was screaming at my mom. I could hear his side of the conversation too because he was screaming so loud. His exact words were "it's my cottage so I'm taking control of it". My mom kept saying "Oma is still alive, it's her cottage; it's not your cottage". That screaming went on for a few minutes, until my mom finally said "you're choosing the renters over us, there's nothing more to say" and hung up.
What a nightmare. I had to stay at my mom's house until after midnight last night to try to calm her down. I am really worried about her health. She has been so upset over this for 2 weeks now with chest pains and problems breathing. I don't know what to do.
Luckily, Oma, mom, and I are going to see Oma's lawyer on Thursday. That appointment can't come soon enough! Since my uncle won't listen to my mom or Oma, I think a letter needs to be sent to him from the lawyer telling him that he has no authority over the cottage and to butt out!
The bottom line of this whole situation is Oma wants to go to the cottage with mom, me, and Julie since this is the first summer where we are all free. So, we have been planning that for months. My uncle says it's his cottage since he will be getting it anyway when Oma passes, so he is taking control of it now. Well, little does he know Oma is changing her Will so that he won't be getting the cottage! That will be another war when he finds that out!
6 comments:
Your uncle is being a first-class asshole.
Why on earth does he care about getting a SECOND cottage?
Your poor mom and Oma. Hugs to all. :(
I am really worried about Oma and mom... this is not good for their health to be put under so much stress!
The ironic thing is mom is teaching about Conflict Resolution in both her classes today... the timing!
I don't know why he wants to control this cottage so much, especially since he already has his own cottage. I can't wait until we meet with the lawyer tomorrow, I hope he will provide some advice on how to protect Oma and her assests from her son.
I can sympathize. I would think that since your Oma owns it and is still of sound mind (she just can't remember - she can still reason and think!), she can certainly decide what happens to her property.
Family drama is what made 1B living hell for me. After my grandpa died, my Aunt decided that nobody was grieving as much as she was, and that my grandpa had loved her more than anyone else (even my grandma!). Between my grandma and my Aunt (both of whom called my mom to tell her what an awful person the other was), my poor mom got a lot of grief. On top of that, she had also lost her dad. And then, because she had no one to talk to about it, I got to hear everything.
My grandpa was a lovely man. I miss him more than anything, and the family drama just made it unbearable.
Don't be surprised if your uncle fights back with his lawyer. Families suck sometimes. Makes me glad that I live half a country away from my relatives. :(
:(
Sorry to hear about the family drama. Unfortunately things like this are all too common with the elderly. I've heard my fair share of horror stories... it's so sad that these people's CHILDREN can be so mean and self-centered.
Your grandma is very lucky to have you and your mom looking out for her.
Hope all goes smoothly with the lawyer today.
Family drama sucks... I feel so bad for your Mom and Oma (and you too!). I hope the lawyer's appointment goes well and provides some resolution so that you can have some peace (angry silence is peace too).
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