There has been a lot of family drama in the last week. And the timing of it couldn’t be more poor since my brother’s wedding is in 3 days.
The short version is this: Oma has dementia, so her short term memory is completely gone. So, she is constantly repeating the same things over and over and can’t remember things from 5 minutes ago. My uncle knows this, but apparently, he and Oma had a conversation sometime in the winter and Oma agreed to rent the cottage this summer. Then she completely forgot about that conversation and then at Easter, we were discussing the cottage plans with her and she decided based on that discussion that she would not rent the cottage this summer since I am on mat leave and mom didn’t take on a teaching load in the summer, so she has from mid-June until September off. So, Oma, mom, Julie, and I were planning to spend a good portion of the summer there and come back into town every few days.
Last Friday, my uncle sent my mom and email to let her know he has rented the cottage for 3 weeks this summer. He never even checked with us and we are furious. Oma doesn’t want to rent the cottage since she wants to be there and IT’S HER COTTAGE! My uncle is laying this huge guilt trip on her saying that she promised and she can’t go back on her word now since it will ruin his relationship with the potential renters (they are friends of his). He doesn’t care that we were all planning to be there; he said in the email that he is getting the cottage as per Oma’s will, so he has decided to take control of it now. How hurtful! She is still alive!
This is a huge mess. We have talked to Oma to find out what she wants and she does like the potential renters and doesn’t want to ruin their summer plans, so we have found them a week where we were not planning to be up there and have offered that to them instead and told them we were very sorry that it was double-booked. They were disappointed, but totally understood and said Oma doesn’t need this kind of stress. Well, my uncle found out we talked to them and he called them and told them to forget what mom and Oma said, and that they could in fact have it for the entire 3 weeks. The nerve! I should also mention that he has his own cottage. The right thing to do would be for him to rent them his cottage for the other 2 weeks, but he wouldn’t do that since that would inconvenience him.
He calls Oma and gets her all upset and badgers her until she gives in. And them my mom has to spend a few hours calming her down. He is not respecting her and treating her in a kind and loving way, which is really upsetting. He only lives 20 minutes from Oma and he only sees her 3 or 4 times a year. My mom is Oma’s caregiver full time (since their houses are attached), which is what Oma needs because otherwise, she would need to be in a home. Looking after Oma is pretty much a full-time job these days and my mom has cheerfully taken that on. Oma is no longer able to cook her own meals and mom also has to administer her medication since that is too much for Oma to handle on her own.
So much for the short version! I just can’t believe he would basically act like Oma has already passed away and decide to take control of the cottage because he thinks he’ll be getting it when she passes away. She can leave her assets to whomever she wants! And inheritance is a privilege, not a right! I think this is actually a blessing in disguise since now Oma is re-thinking her will. Because all she wants is for her grandchildren to all be able to enjoy the cottage. What a mess. As if we all need this stress the week of my brother’s wedding!
4 comments:
:( What a horrible way to act. Hopefully your uncle starts acting like a decent person :(
Yikes, what a mess!
I too hope your uncle starts to act like a human being sometime soon. How callous.
Yikes for family drama so close to your brother's wedding... :(
It really sucks. My aunt and uncle have been calling my mom every day to try to talk about this, but my mom just doesn't have the time or the emotional energy to talk to them right now. My uncle is a real bully. So, in hopes to get them off her back for the next couple days, my mom sent my aunt a quick email which basically said "yes, we need to talk about this, but it will have to be after the wedding."
Well, my aunt's response said that it would be very cruel for us to tell the renters they can't have the cottage after all; it is way too late for them to have to change their vacation plans. What about OUR vacation plans? Oma really wants to spend lots of time up there this summer since I am on mat leave and mom has 2.5 months off. And Oma doesn't know how many more summers she has left.
My mom and Oma have a meeting with Oma's lawyer next Thursday to get some of this sorted out. I think it will result in my mom getting power of attorney so that all decisions have to be discussed with my mom, my mom will talk to Oma to find out what she wants and then my mom will make sure that happens. Oma really can't be held to her promises since she could promise 2 people the same thing since she can't remember what she said. If my mom keeps track by writing everything down for Oma, that should help. And we're hoping that way my uncle will stop badgering Oma. What a mess.
They don't seem to care that this upsets Oma and she is always in tears and it is causing my mom to have heart palpitations and anxiety attacks. This is no good for Oma's health or my mom's. I will feel so much better after the meeting with the lawyer. Then we need to have a family meeting with everyone and my uncle needs to be put in his place. I'm not looking forward to that, but it needs to be done. It's sad that Oma needs to be protected from her own son.
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