Well, I decided that I’m going to go to Oma’s appointment on Tuesday morning. My mom really needs the support. My uncle will also be there, but he rarely spends time with Oma, so he doesn’t really know what’s been going on.
I stopped in for a few minutes yesterday after work and I walked in on Oma yelling at my mom. Apparently, Oma somehow is fixated on saying that mom took her car keys without telling her. Which is not the case. Mom took her car keys away over 6 weeks ago now, and of course she talked to Oma about it beforehand... and MANY times since. Well, Oma all of a sudden within the last 2 days decided that mom did this all behind her back. When mom says they talked about it many times, Oma just says mom is lying to her and that she can’t defend herself since she doesn’t remember what happened. And Oma has her key back now anyway, so I don’t know why she is so fixated on thinking mom is doing things behind her back and lying all the time.
It’s getting quite ugly. Oma stormed off and said to my mom “I hope someday your family treats you as badly as you’ve treated me!” And then she kept coming back with more hurtful things to say. So, I got my mom out of there for a bit. We went for dinner and then to the festival of lights where Kalan Porter was playing last night. So, we had a nice escape.
I feel so bad about this whole situation. I’m trying my best not to let it stress me out too much since stress isn’t good for the baby. I feel bad for Oma because I can imagine it must be hard on her to lose her mind and be in denial and I also feel bad for my mom because of the living hell Oma is putting her through. It would be so much different if their houses weren’t attached. But since mom works from home so much, she can’t get anything done since Oma comes over 30+ times a day to yell at her. It’s getting worse by the day. The appointment on Tuesday can’t come soon enough!
I’m hoping there is some medication Oma can take to help. But how do you get a forgetful woman to take medication when she insists there’s nothing wrong with her? Half the time she doesn’t know what month it is, much less day of the week. She insists she doesn’t need any help, so this could be tricky…
I think Oma should live half time at my aunt and uncles… it’s not fair that all the stress of this is put on my mom… time for my uncle to step up… but I doubt that’s going to happen.
2 comments:
That's a really crummy situation... your poor Mommy!
Hello.
This situation you just descibed reminded me of this movie "The Notebook" by Rachel McAdams which was shown on TV about a month ago. I cried lots at the end, so maybe it won't be a good idea for a pregnant lady to watch it. I would recommend for your mom and her siblings though.
I hope you take good care of yourself as you are carrying a precious soul inside you. I would suggest listening to slow music (like Kalan Porter's "Wake Up Living" is a good one to play over and over again) to keep calm.
As for helping your mom, what you are doing now is just perfect. Being there and not saying much is enough as this is such a difficult transitions for her and her mom and I guess for everyone.
One thing you and mom may want to do is take out photo albums and sitting down with Oma with her favourite music in the backgorund. The music is important as it will keep her calm.
I am not middle-aged yet, but I can imagine the fear one gets for knowing that one is getting forgetful. It's the forgetfulness that is very difficult for anybody, I would imagine.
I would suggest going along anything Oma says just to let her think she still got it while everyone else knows that she is losing her memory. I would just use the word "sorry" very generously. If she can still do things, request her to make someone's favourite dish or cookies, etc.. I would think feeling needed is really important at such an age.
Life is such a cycle. That's why the very old relates very easily to the very young. Your baby will bring such a joy to your mom, but I think more so to your Oma. Keep showing her baby pictures of magazines. Oh, yes, can she knit?
Take care, mommy-to-be blogger.
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