Feeling a little better.

The last few days have been rough, but each day is a little better than the last. I think I will pull through this. I am still so confused about what happened though. I guess I will probably never know since he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. MEN! Gah! I think I am about ready to give up on men. This is getting rediculous. I just want to meet the right one already! I really thought BD was it.

I am happy cuz nej is coming to visit tomorrow! Yay! And she is going to be my date to the leafs game tomorrow night! I was planning to take BD for his birthday (his bday is on wednesday), but since he ditched me, I had to change my plans. Nej will be way more fun anyways! I'm sure I will laugh a lot with her, we seem to do that when we get together, so I think that's just what the doctor ordered :P

Oh, I bought a birthday present and card for BD before he dumped me and I'm not sure whether I should still give it to him or not. I would have to mail it to him... I don't really want to keep it since it is detroit red wings related, but I don't want it to go to waste either. I think I will still send it to him. It would be the nice thing to do. Even though he is acting like a cowardly jerk, I won't stoop to that level.

Thanks for all the support

I really appreciate all the support I have been getting from you girls over the last couple of days. I have the best friends a girl could ask for :) Your encouragement means the world to me. I appreciate it so much! And I plan on collecting on all the hugs you've been sending my way next time I see you ;)

Today was a really hard day. Much worse than yesterday. At least yesterday I still thought there may be a chance to fix things. But, now I know BD is not willing to make things work and he does not feel the same way about me as I do about him. Which really confuses me. Because he was so OBVIOUSLY into me for the first 2 months. What the hell happened?!?

And it shows a real lack of character on his part that he would do this by email. So cowardly. I can't even talk to him about things. He's not willing to talk. Which really sucks. So you spend all this time with someone, fall in love, and then they just dump you out of the blue BY EMAIL? Makes no sense to me. And it probably never will.

Moreso, how will I ever be able to trust another guy if someone can be so obviously smitten with you one minute, and then turn around and dump you? GAH!

As Carrie Bradshaw said: "When you love someone, and you break up, where does all the love go?" Good question...

I extended an olive branch...

...and he broke my heart.

Yesterday, I replied to BD's "break-up" email and told him how I feel. I told him I care about him and that I want to try to work things out, but that I am willing to give him some space to work through things first. He replied last night and basically took my heart that I was offering to him ona silver platter and crushed it into a thousand pieces. He's not willing to try to make it work. He does not reciprocate my feelings. I am so hurt. I really thought what we had was meaningful and would last a lifetime. Nope, 2 months.

I am absolutely heart-broken. I don't know how I will go on.

As the dust settles...

I have gotten over the initial shock of the situation and have done some thinking. I refuse to believe that I could have been so wrong about him. How could I have been so positive that he was "the one" and then be wrong?

I have re-read his email a few times and I think the reason he feels a need to break it off is he doesn't think he is worthy of me. Which is rediculous. I think I will reply to him and tell him how I feel and suggest that we both take a few days, or a week, or whatever to think and then meet and talk all of this through.

I refuse to believe he could toss me aside so easily. What we have together means more than that. So, we'll see what he says.

The day from hell...

The day started out fine enough... it started to go downhill this afternoon. At about 4:56pm my mom phoned me to tell me that Daddy was in emerg...again. He has been in and out of the hospital like crazy over the last few years (brain tumour - still dealing with that, it's growing back, broken pelvis, etc, etc, etc). Today, he sliced the tip of his finger off. So, not life-threatening, thank goodness. But, it had me worried. Turns out he will be fine.

Then, I get home, eat dinner, and then go to check my email... and, low and behold, there is one from BD and the subject line is really long, but starts with "I'm really sorry, but"... and my heart sinks. I open the email and it is long and drawn out, but the long and short of it is... he is dumping me. BY EMAIL! I am so hurt and I can't even ask him why or find any answers since he did it by email. My heart is broken...again. I thought that one broken heart per person was enough. Just when I opened my heart to love again and really learned to trust a man after my broken engagement, my heart gets stomped on again. I am hurting so much I feel like I am going to throw up. Why does this keep happening to me?!?!?! I am a good catch! Any guy would be lucky to have me and I keep getting my heart broken.

And what gets me the most is that I was SO SURE that he was The One. I had never been more sure about anything in my whole life. I would have married him in a second if he asked me to. And I'm not one for rushing into things! Yet I was POSTITIVE that he was the guy for me. And to find out I was wrong all this time, I don't even know what to think about that.

I talked to my brother, since he just went through a recent thing a few months ago (a girl that he thought was The One dumped him for no apparent reason and broke his heart and he couldn't eat or sleep for days). So, it was good to talk to him about it. I asked him how he got over this incredible hurt and he said the very same thing I told him when he was going through this: "Just give it time". So, I know I will get over it and move on eventually, but that seems like an impossible task right now. I don't even know if/how I am going to go to work and function.

I hate this. How many more "wrong" men do I have to go through before I find the right one?!?! I am so done with relationships that end in heart-break! I do not want to get hurt again. Having my heart broken twice now is plenty enough. I don't know how I will ever be able to trust men again when it took me so long to get over my broken heart the first time.

Lazy weekend...

Well, in order not to run the risk of nej having to demand an update, I thought I would beat her to the punch and update all on my own! No nagging required ;)

I have done pretty much nothing but sit on my butt all weekend. I really needed a weekend to relax; I've been so busy lately. I did do some things this weekend though, in amongst all the sitting on my butt stuff.

On Friday night, I want to see Cuff the Duke. I didn't know this ahead of time, but there were 2 opening bands, so Cuff didn't even get on until close to midnight. So it wasn't over until 2. So, both BD and I were exhausted after a long week at work. But, we managed to stay awake. It was a really good show. They played about 4 or 5 of their old songs and the rest were from their new album (which I hadn't heard any songs from, so they were all new to me). It was an excellent show.

Yesterday, I read, watched Sex and the City dvds, went for a run, and went out for dinner with my mummy, which was nice. We also went to a new Shoppers Drug Mart here in town and it is HUGE! The biggest one I have ever seen! Today, I have done absolutely nothing... and it is great!

HAHA!

Your Daddy Is Darth Vader

What You Call Him: Pa Why You Love Him: He gives good spankings

Who's" Your Daddy?

I always knew I was a little bit kinky... ;P

Time for an update...

Apparently I have not been meeting nej's standards for frequency of updates to my blog. I will try to do better in that regard ;)

Not too much has happened in the last couple of days. I watched the season premiere of Lost last night. It was sooo good! That is the one tv show that I watch with my Dad. So, we watched it together and talked about it. I hope we get some answers this season!

I am going to see Cuff the Duke tomorrow with BD. I am looking forward to it! I have been wanting to see them again ever since I saw them in Guelph with Sam Roberts! And I am glad that I get to spend more time with BD.

Tomorrow is friday, so I am happy. Things are absolutely nuts at work right now...and will be for the next few months. I hope I come out alive :P

Awesome weekend!

I had a great time with lj, nej, and mm on friday and saturday. It was so nice to catch up with them. I had fun at the Kingdom and shopping on Saturday was great. I wasn't intending on spending any money this weekend, but, I bought 2 pairs of shoes, I just couldn't help it ;)

Yesterday, mom and I went to the Leafs first pre-season game at the ACC. It was great! Even if we did lose... I enjoyed seeing the Leafs again. Some of the rules have changed, so that will take some getting used to. I am just so happy to have hockey back!

I also bought a watch and 2 tops when I was at the mall yesterday. All good purchases though. I had been looking for a watch like that for over a year, so when I finally found it, I had to buy it. It would have been stupid not to. And both tops I bought were on sale, so that's okay ;)

Other than that, BD came over today. He is feeling much better (he had been sick on the weekend, he picked up a bug at work, poor guy). It was great to see him again, I really miss him when we are apart. And, for those of you who are curious, yes, I told him that his aloof nature for the last week was starting to worry me (although I didn't tell him that I felt so sick at work today that I couldn't eat anything because of his lack of effort lately). I explained that since I have been badly betrayed in the past, I need some extra reassurance in order to feel secure. He said he completely understands and that he will try harder. It turns out the reason for his withdrawl lately had absolutely nothing to do with me, and I felt much better that I was able to talk to him about it. I just think he is under a lot of stress right now (his job is a contract which ends in a month and he is really stressed that he won't have a job after that), and he has been sick, so that explains why he has been a little withdrawn lately. I feel so relieved that it had nothing to do with me.

Well, I am really tired, so I'm off to bed. 6:00am comes early.

Woohoo U2!

The concert last night was AWESOME!!! Totally awesome, words can't describe it well enough. I had the best time, it was worth every penny!

We were in the general admission floor section, and by the time we got to the ACC (it was still a good 45 minutes before the doors opened), there was a massive line for the floor section already! So, we got in line. By the time we got into the ACC, there was quite a few people there. They had a big semi-circle platform set up coming out of the stage into the crowd, and we were positioned about 4 metres from that - sweet! So every time the band members walked on that (and they did it quite often), we were that close to them! So amazing! The whole concert was awesome, I loved every minute. The opening act was "Dashboard Confessional". They were good, I recognized a couple songs.

Then, U2 came on and played for a total of almost 3 hours. They played 2 encore sets, each with about 3 or 4 songs. So the concert was over at about 11:15pm. I thought we would have a really hard time getting out of there, but we moved quickly and were on the subway within 15 minutes. Not too bad at all. I got home in enough time to have 4 hours of sleep last night. So, I was a little tired this morning (although not as tired as I was expecting), so I stopped at Timmie's on my way to work to buy myself a cappucino. That kept me awake for the day, so I was happy.

I would highly recommend going to a U2 concert if you have the opportunity! It was absolutely amazing!

Giving in to Nej's "demands"

Nej demanded details of the birthday lunch for BD's mom, so I thought I should post an update.

Yesterday, I met BD and his parents at Red Lobster for lunch. I love Red Lobster - it was so yummy! It was really nice to sit down and have a meal with them and get to know them better. They are really nice people. They are very funny as well. I gave BD's mom the birthday card that I had picked out (with the help of my mom since we picked out the exact same card). She really liked the card, so I was glad about that. I have a feeling they like me. At least that's what BD tells me, but I mean, come on, how could they not like me? ;)

After lunch, BD and I went for a walk since it was a nice sunshiny day and then we came back to my place for a little hangout time. It was nice to have some alone time since we weren't alone at all on Saturday at the tri cuz mummy was there too. So, I was glad that we got to have some "just him and me" time.

Okay, I am not normally one to spill my feelings, but at this point in our relationship, I have the overwhelming urge to tell BD that I love him. I have wanted to tell him for a couple weeks now, but I have been too chicken. I am afraid of telling him and him not reciprocating those feelings. Perhaps he is thinking the same thing though. I read in Cosmo (which I know, is not the best on the relationship front) and they said that you should always wait for the guy to say it first. But, Cosmo is usually just a bunch of crap anyways (they say you should make a guy "wait" for sex... and by waiting they mean until the 3rd date. I'm like, that's not "waiting"!!!! Insane!). Anyways, that is something that has been weighing on my mind as of late (wanting to tell BD I love him, not the Cosmo sex thing). I don't really know what to do. I want to share with him how I feel, but I also don't want to tell him too soon and scare him off.

Okay, enough of that, I am leaving shortly for Toronto to see U2! Yay!

Tri went well.

Yesterday, I competed in my last triathlon of the season. It was in Wasaga Beach and it was absolutely gorgeous. It was my first time there. The beach reminded me of the Dominican beaches since the sand was so light and fine-grained. It really was beautiful. BD came to cheer me on, which was so nice of him, I really appreciated the support.

So, here is how I did with my three goals:

1) Do not fall off the bike: Check. I was able to make it through the entire bike portion without falling off.

2) Do not run off-course on the run: Check. I was able to stay oncourse for the entire run.

3) Finish in under 2 hours: Check. My time was 1:52:44. So, I beat my goal by over 7 minutes! I was really impressed with myself! I beat my previous time for this distance by over 13 minutes!

All in all, it was a great course. The swim was very nice. It was a little chilly, but not too cold. It was nice because there were absolutely no weeds, which was great. The only part I didn't like was the swim started about 150m offshore since the water was so shallow for so long. Which really sucked when you were done the swim because you had to run out of the water, and then up the beach to the transition area, which probably took about 2 - 3 mintes, which was added onto your swim time. Also, when I reached the last bouy, which meant that you could stand up and walk/run out of the water, I tripped over the cinder block that was anchoring the bouy. That really hurt! I thought I had cut up my toes, but they were okay. Just very painful.

The bike portion of the course was awesome. A few hills, but for the most part very flat. It was great. The run portion was awesome. Most of it was on boardwalks along the beach, but portions of it were in sand (hard to run in sand!) and through the forest and some on the road. I really liked the run course, although my calf was giving me problems, so I had to walk for a little bit of the run. My run time ended up being about 5 minutes longer than I was hoping for. But, oh well. I am glad I accomplished my goals and that I ended the season on a high note. I am looking forward to being able to improve my time next season!

Today, I am going out for lunch with BD and his parents to celebrate his mom's birthday. Here's a funny story. When mom and I were in the mall on Friday, we went to Hallmark to pick out a card for BD's mom, and I was in the birthday section, and she went around to the section of this artist that she likes, and within 30 seconds she said "I found the perfect card" and I said "I did too". So, I took my card to where she was, and we traded cards, and it was the same card! We broke out in hysterical laughter for about 5 minutes, with tears pouring down our faces. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. What are the chances?!?! Of the thousands of cards, we both pick the same card, from different areas of the store, at the same time. Too funny! Needless to say, that is the card I bought!

Tomorrow, I have the day off work because I am going to see U2 in Toronto. I am taking my brother since his 20th birthday is tomorrow. Should be a good show! I'm sure I will be exhausted at work on Tuesday, but it will be worth it!

Big race tomorrow!

Tomorrow is my last triathlon of the season. I am hoping that it will go well. Last night, I went out for my last training run and about 11 minutes into my run, I got this awful cramp and was limping. So, I stopped to stretch and tried to continue, but it hurt too much, so I had to walk home. It feels a little better today. I hope it is all better by tomorrw otherwise I could be in trouble on the run! Yikes!

Back to the grind.

Today was my first day back at work after my vacation. I thought it would be really hard to go back, but it wasn't so bad. Turns out I was missed at work, which is always nice. I am going to be crazy busy for the next few months though! I'm working on some really big projects and man, is it ever going to be a lot of work. We broke it up into smaller tasks though, which makes it seem much less daunting.

On Sunday evening, BD came for a visit. We went out for dinner and played mini-golf...and I won! That was a first! I was certainly on my game. But the best part of the evening was getting to spend time with BD. As of tomorrow, we will have been a couple for 1 month.

Also, BD is coming to my triathlon on Saturday to cheer me on! Yay! I think that knowing he is there will motivate me to go faster. The distances for this tri are the same as the first one I did (750m swim, 20 km bike, 5 km run).

I have three goals with this race:
1) Do not fall off the bike.
2) Stay on course on the run portion.
3) Finish in under 2 hours.

I hope I can accomplish all three goals!

Oh, and on Sunday, I am invited to a birthday dinner for BD's mom. I thought it was so nice of them to invite me, I guess I am their son's significant other! I want to get his mom a card. What should I write in a card for a woman that I have only just met and barely know, but hope that someday will be my mother-in-law? Any suggestions?

Still in vacation mode

I just got back from the cottage. I was there for most of the last week. We went up last Saturday, and BD came as well for the day. We had a great time. Mom and I stayed until Monday, and then we came back into town for 2 days. Monday evening, I went to visit Mary (the girl who I used to work with). We hung out at her house and then went out for dinner and to a movie. We saw "40 year old virgin". It was quite funny. Here we were, she's 39 and I'm 24, and we were surrounded by teenagers, but oh well. We were a little buzzed from all the wine we had with dinner (but the restaurant was in the mall with the theatre, so we didn't have to drive anywhere). So the movie was extra funny to us. It was a blast, I don't think I've laughed that hard in a little while.

On Tuesday, I went to the lawyers to sign the papers for my house. As of this past thursday, I am a home-owner! Yay! I am super excited and scared at the same time!

After the lawyers, mom and I went to Toronto to do some shopping. We parked at Yorkdale and took the subway down to MEC. I got a bunch of stuff, and so did she. The only major thing I bought was a rack for the back of my car to put bikes on. Mom and I are doing the tri in wasaga beach on the 10th, so we needed a way to transport our bikes. Then we did some shopping at Yorkdale. I didn't have a lot of money to spend, but I got some really nice clothes. I got a navy cord fitted blazer/jacket at H&M for a really good price. Also got a couple other tops. Then we went to Costco. I bought a couple of things there as well, nothing major. It was a really fun day.

Wednesday, I headed back to the cottage and was there until today. I have gone over a week without seeing BD, and I miss him soooo much! We did talk on the phone a few times, which is better than nothing, but I really miss seeing him. Good thing he's coming to visit me this evening! He had to work all weekend this weekend, so that really cuts down on our visit time! But at least he only works every other weekend.

Well, I have a load of cleaning to do. My goal for tomorrow is to clean out my closet. I can't fit the new clothes that I bought into my closet because it is full of stuff I never wear. Time to get rid of some stuff. Tomorrow I also want to go for a 25km bike ride and perhaps a run as well. The tri is only 6 days away! Yikes!